listening to the song 'so close', browsing through the older posts, memories pouring, heart beating, tears running. o damn. i realised i've grown so much. haha. my hair has grown much much longer too. i really should just delete the older posts. like damn. no no no, i should be really busy now. but i guess, i should really sit down and rest, think carefully what the hell do i want in my life. i mean seriously, i cant continue being busy forever, trying to escape some things right.
i have to get down to study, really.
i hate the feeling of loneliness, i hate the 'missing that someone' feeling, i hate it when im just avoiding and avoiding and avoiding. i hate it when im being controlled, i hate it when my parents dont trust me. i hate it when they start restricting me to do things, i hate it when it reaches the night when i need to rush home. i hate all my awful dreams. i hate my childhood, i hate being such a mountain tortoise. i hate it that when i want anything too much, it means i'll never ever get it. i hate all my commitments. i hate the feeling of being so close and yet still so far. i hate it when i have to be so dependent. i hate it when im awfully awfully tired.
in short, i am just afraid. scaredy cat, that means.
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