i feel i'm more and more being taken for granted. it's like when you are needed, you will be called upon and when you are no more needed, that's it for the day. this world's getting more and more fake each and every single day.
baby's birthday gift from me. :)
opened a chivas bottle for ed.
the usual guessing game.
baby's fav strawberry cake.
group photo
haha. spasm.
it took me awhile to start typing, even when i'm doing so, i dont know how to put all my mixed up thoughts in words. too much in my mind that yes, i couldn sleep again. in fact, i couldn sleep everynight. do u call this insomnia? my body's tired, but my mind's filled with thoughts. or mb like what ed said, i'm sick, and i mean mentally, so a psychiatrist is needed? hahaha. i dont know. mb i shouldn say i'm sick, but rather filled with emotions and feelings that i myself couldn even control. or maybe it's like what my HRM lecturer said, it's related to some justice that when the outcome is lesser than the inputs, negative feelings start arising, for example, anger. but, i'm not angry, i just feel sad or rather disappointed.
i mean, be it with friends, lover, family, etc cos u know that u are busy, you try to find some time out for them. you make the effort to spend time alone with them. and they tell you, whether indirectly or directly, hey, i need time alone. i want to be on my own. you just feel hurt. but i know it's not wrong, it's ok to want to be alone, yet, i cant help feeling this way. it sucks, yes. mb like what i stated earlier, cos inputs are higher(sacrificing your own time), the outcome u get isn what u expected, negative feelings arise. hey, i'm applying HRM into my real life. hahaha.
at times, i really feel like telling people, hey, you know what, your life's your life, my life's mine, let's just go separately. but i cant, cos it's just a moment of disappointment and i know it's not wrong. mb ranting in my blog is good. or mb i shouldn be soft hearted, and just do it my way(starting to). well, i have to say sorry to everyone out there, mb some words that i had said isn right and i dont mean it at all. ohwell.
it's getting harder to trust these days, you cant blame anyone. i guess you just have to blame yourself, cos it's all in your mind. it's just a matter of whether you want to walk out of that life you have been. been trying my best to get out of it for years, but it seems impossible. as the saying goes, once bitten, twice shy. i'm afraid, in fact, very, to trust again, and i mean the complete kind of trust. when i want to trust, it either goes haywire, or something uneasy will happen. and all these pull me back. i'll be back to sq 1. and the whole vicious cycle start again. it's sad, but im determined to walk out of that life. :)
haha. so when will anyone know me inside out one day? i'm still searching.
Overhead in a Sunday school one morning....
"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.
"NO!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?"
Again the answer was, "NO!"
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" I asked them again.
Once more they all answered, "NO!"
"Well," I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for, "then how can I get into heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOT TO BE DEAD!"
damn! I couldn find the singapore version poster. so i guess this is the original version from dont know where. but it's ok, it's still Beverly Hills ChiHuaHua. I simply love this show although some may find it dumb with a predictable storyline blah blah blah. but why bother so much when watching a movie? arent we supposed to sit back and relax, and thus this movie should be suitable for all. haha. all my loves are in it, dogs, comedy and the little cuties. i think you should catch it. :)I super super super hate FR!! in fact, I hate all of my modules!! yes, i'm ranting here cos i cant seem to fig out FR. Wtf, why waste time learning what figures go to what categories. Damn balance sheet, damn income statement, damn leases, damn contraction contracts, damn everything!! worst of all, I cant find anyone when i need help desperately now. ARGH. so i decided to stop studying and rant here. i kn0w, i'm just blaming myself for being so stupid, everyone else can do it and i cant. i hate this! studying's driving me crazy although i only started at 3pm. but hell, i'm still stuck at the same question. and when i decided to write notes on leases, i dont know how to write. like im brain dead or every information's everywhere, i dont know which one's first and which one's last.
ohohoh. i dont understand why everybody's saying that i disappeared aft i have a bf. look, i'm still blogging here, im still home and i dont fucking meet my bf every single day. in fact, i dont even know where he is sometimes till i called him like aft half of the day is gone? and i have a fucking curfew. it doesnt mean that when im 21, i can happily go out late till the night, and to my dad's perception of late, it means 11pm. i dont have to luxury to get out of my house last min at night. im sorry, but i really have to rant. i cant stand accusations.
i realise one thing, im starting to hate people getting all mysterious over me.
yes. im feeling a little better, only a little.
this website is a site whereby it shows how many people died every 3 and a half second and who they are.
About 25,000 people die every day of hunger or hunger-related causes, according to the United Nations.
my sis is doing her research on poverty and she found these interesting but sad website and a youtube video of the people living in poverty. it's heartbreaking to see it and most of us should realise that we should be grateful of our lives now. :(
(wait for it to load a little while before viewing)
*
on a lighter note, my stitches are removed. BUT it still left a scar!! it's still red, worst of all, the doc said it requires 6mths to fully heal!! sigh. so much for removing the scar. however, the good news is it's not cancer but just clogged up hair follicles which caused a bump for so many years. i was like what when the doc told me. please please please recover quickly. :(
YES!! tomorrow's the day to remove the stitches! am sooooo looking forward to it, at the same time worried that i'll be disappointed with the results. BUT it means I can start eating good food that I've waited so long for. good food meaning, seafood, chicken, blah blah blah. for the sake of being pretty, i tolerated all my cravings which is quite an achievement for me. :) haha, cmon, praise me.
feelings not right at the moment.
