boyfriend, stop acting as a perverted stalker, reading unnecessary stuff. HMPH!

do what you should do, if u get what i mean. haha.

i just cant help thinking that they wouldn want me the very last min, like most clients do. all these cause the low self esteem in me each and every single day. but can't blame them isn it. im not fabulous nor gorgeous nor pretty, so it's a no wonder if they cancel me. but yet, at the same time, it hurts, badly. i should have gotten use to it already, but still. sigh. pray for me people. i've alr got plans with the money. damn. 

i got to get rid the shit on my face. it's fucking irritating. so many shitty problems occurring to me. sweaty palms, some dumb bump on my face, whatelse.

seriously, if you doubt my ability to do things for you, then please fuck off and get somebody else to do it. i dont need shit frm you, neither do i owe you a single thing.

it's this sense of insecurity, it's the oncoming pressure and me seeing things that i dont wanna see, driving me crazy. sometimes i just cant figure which's which. it's been months and the problems' still stuck here, never solved. i just can't help thinking otherwise, i just don't know why. the problem lies with me isn't it? or as things progress, and when you know you want to keep things forever this way, you'll start expecting more? but not all can live up to one's expectations, you'll definitely get disappointments. but my expectations aren that high, it just takes one to do a lil bit more, just a lil bit more. is it too much to ask for just for me? well, i know i'm too particular bou the smallest details i can find and look too deep into it, which is probably the cause of everything for the past few years. my mistake, and am still learning from it.

i'm tired.

my work contract ended! finally, i dont have to wake up early in the morning, causing fatigue. yeah! 

everything's fine now, hopefully.

oh yeah, i passed all my modules! lucky me. :)

maybe what my mum said was true, i cant help not believing her. prolly cos it's not just once or twice, but countless times to prove that what i believed was wrong.

one cant just expect anybody to know oneself inside out, upside down. nobody's god.

well, i'm sorry that i haven uploaded any pictures of my birthday. haha. my comp's down at the wrong time. currently using my sis's laptop. haha. cant wait to drink this sat!

ohya, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to CYRIL in advance!

im fucking nervous over my results, fucking fucking nervous. i cant help it. i dont want to fail, yet i cant stop thinking of what i'll do if i fail. i've even rehearse what to say to my mum if i fail. haha. argh! it's driving me fucking crazy. damnit.

i guess one has to stop comparing in life. acceptance is probably the key to happiness.

i have nothing to blog about lately. life's kind of constant, a lil arguments here and there, but everything's still fine. work's still the same, busy yet slack at the same time. i'm starting tuition next week, back to being busy again. :)

hmmm, let me recall, the last movie I watched was Hancock. haha. it's a superhero kind of movie, was ok. Hancock portrays everyone in reality, i guess. who wouldn want to be appreciated? and when you aren being appreciated, you'll feel damn dejected and start doing the reverse.

im damn tired.

Fort Canning

requested jesmen to help me take some "professional" pictures, i ended up screwing up all the pictures. i seriously cant make it with my facial expressions. haha. read jes's blog, why not you honey? i like your pictures, i'm comfortable with you, and u can teach me poses i'll never think of. so we shall do it more often k. haha. this time round more faces without the hair. haha.

i miss the way it was used to. the way when my heart's immuned to feelings, the way when i was never serious at all. just fun times without pain, without sorrow, without mixed emotions, without nothing. when things just aint going your way, it's fucking sickening. but that's life isnt it. you cant make everything go your way, if it does, i guess life's gonna be a little boring.

im trying to do things to keep myself busy again, which is good in a way. yesterday which is a sat, had homecoming at westwood. was boring, with little little memories rising. ohwell, have to catch up once in awhile i guess. then rush down to fort canning to cam whore with jesmen! will upload pictures once we have edited them. then rush down to kallang again to watch gary's concert with angela baby, uncle huat and edmund baby tikopeh. haha. gary's voice is superb tho it's a little bit boring cos he couldn dance and make his audience high. but i think his voice is seriously enough. haha. many many pictures awaiting.

are my expectations really that high? haha. whatever.

see, that's the price to pay for being a player. serve you right my dear.

PAIN, that's the word to describe how i'm feeling right now. something that i really hate, something that i've been avoiding for years and yet it came back again. and i allowed it to come back. so silly of me isnt it. sometimes i asked myself is it really worth it, or am i just wasting time. it's just mixed feelings whether to give up or not. cos after trying and trying and trying, it still doesnt work, you dont really see the point in it anymore. but yet, cos of the no of times u have tried, it's like a waste to just give up like that. owell, doesnt matter i guess. it takes time. :)

this distance is getting into me.
and i realise one thing, sarcasm can be loads of fun.

always in our hearts.

sigh, xiao xiao, my sister's hamster died. sigh. :( life's really short isn it. averil cried like hell, if it's lakz, i guess i'll do the same. owell. May xiao xiao rest in peace in heaven.

Continuation of ubin II

haha. this is damn spastic!

haha, i broke dom's shades. so sorry dom. :(

im seriously too lazy to blog. so guys, have fun with the pictures. :)

since im still waiting for the ubin's pictures and some ass to call, i might as well upload some pictures i took today. owell, most of the pictures are in gela's camera, as usual, shall upload them once i have it. (get what i mean gela?:))

ok, i was out with my pretty babes today! gela had the car, so we decided to hang out with diora. first of all, we went to qian hu fish farm, tried the fish spa. it's fucking ticklish, i was like some crazy woman screaming like hell. haha, that is why, no pictures are taken. gela kept snapping spastic pictures of me tho. haha. but i really couldn help it. it's really ticklish. 10bucks for half an hr. they have big fishes there too, of course i never bother trying the big fishes, when im alr half dead with the small little fishes. haha. but at the end of the day, my feet are a lil smoother than before. haha.

next, i decided to go down to haw par villa. free admission! didn finish the whole thing tho, only walked thru the courts of hell. it's damn cool. too bad the pictures are in gela's camera. :(

entrance of the courts of hell.

the last destination with pictures taken was up to Mount Faber, beautiful scenery and a fucking hot sun. if only it's in the night. i guess it will be much beautiful with the lit up lights of the city.

owell, i still think singapore's damn boring overall. sigh. how i wish im away, away from everything now.

What does Love mean?
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does love mean?'
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:


'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and
they go out and smell each other.'

Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries
without making them give you any of theirs.'


Chrissy - age 6



'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'


Terri - age 4



'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'

Danny - age 7



'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing,
you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'


Emily - age 8



'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'


Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)




'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'


Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)


'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'


Noelle - age 7



'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'


Tommy - age 6



'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at
all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'


Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody

You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'


Clare - age 6



'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'


Elaine-age 5



'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is
handsomer than Robert Redford.'


Chris - age 7


'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'


Mary Ann - age 4


'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'


Lauren - age 4


'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)


Karen - age 7


'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'

Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'


Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia
once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard,
climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

Dining in the air

i think i will faint there, im fucking afraid of heights. haha.